something for u. just for u.

i accidentally fell in love with u..

i keep on trying, fighting this feeling away,

but the more i do,

the crazier i turn into.

but

starting today.. i will not..

starting today.. i won't care about u..

starting today.. i don't need u..

starting today.. i will move on..

starting today.. i will forget about u..

So emotional, u know i am

but

u’re the only one i wish i could forget

the only one i’d love enough to not forgive

u know u broke my heart.

u r the one to be blame.

hey..

i don't care if i never see u again

i'll be all right

take this final piece of advice

and get urself together

but either way baby i'm gone.

It's OUR Buffday!!

this post supposed to be posted on 24th May, but i forgot it was still in the draft :P. so, ya, post it anyway! hihi


oOyeah~ it's our buffday bebeh~ ( Me, Dolly & Wyn ). 

it was really a fun night! better yet i say it was a K.O night! FCUK! hahaha. 

everyone was having their blast!
and i like it that way~ my friends are happy, so do I! 

the choc cake was so cute and girly and also sgt sedap! 

thanx friends, for coming and celebrating it with us. 


Here are some of my fav pics.

- the 3 siblings. stick together sistas!-

- sistas with The Brotherhood. cool!-

- my fav pic! candid. :) -

- The Brotherhood without Derrick -
p/s: napa yeye & jamal pegang2 pinggang ni aa? :}

- my cake! hihi. on my face. -

-peace (^_^)V -

- she said : "tbaeekk punya party!" :D -

- The buffday peeps on stage! woot wootz~ -

- she came! my lovely shirley! almost 9 years x jumpa! -

- thank u for coming girls :) xoxo -

- me & my darling Rieyna. muah2 -

- oOyeah~ flamming lamborghini! -


it was the sweetest memory! the best buffday present i had! Thank you all. :)

things about me that you might wanna know

1. I hate & fear CLOWN! why? there's an evil thing behind the fake smile he put on his face! if i see a clown, i will get mad and crazy! i feel like wanna stab him! :) believe me.
2. I sleep with many pillows so that i have something to hold on. (1 di kaki, 1 sa peluk, 1 d belakang, 3 d kepala & 1 patung bunny hitam.) cuz i don't like the feeling of lonely. 
3. I am so in love with the sunset, sunrise & the ocean breeze. They will do me right. 
4. Some say that I have the innocent face & a very sweet smell.. almost everyone told me that. lol~
5. I love MUSIC so much! any genre. if it soothes my ear, I'll sing it all the time. biarla sumbang! I love live band. When i go clubbing with my girls, i choose places that have live band like The BED, Cocoon & Shenanigan's.
6. I will not cry for a sad love story, but i will cry when it comes to family matters.
7. I love kids so much. specially the babies. selalu mau gigit siku drg. :D
8. I also love cats so f*ckin' much! any types of cats. napa la kucing jalanan. :)
9. I hate leeches & earth-worm. euwwww~ & if i see 1, i will rendam it with lotsa salt. then dia mati. :D
10. I'm probably the most caring person you will ever meet! sometimes you will get mad when i do that, but you should be worry when i don't give a f*ck about you suddenly. there must be something fishy!
11. I will love you til the end of time if you return my love. I'm loving & lovable. *perasan.
12. I can last on bed for hours. napping, sleeping, online, talking on the phone, etc. :D
13. I like to be involved in something like managing an event, be the emcee, leading something & also be the 1st to do the presentation.
14. I love cooking & also baking! that's y I'm chubby. :D I would love to learn how to cook the KadazanDusun's traditional food.
15. I love to eat vegetables & fruits. sgt suka! & I love ABC. P/S: i don't eat onions, garlics, and all the saudara-maraa of them.
16. Once I spit it out, I'll not lick it back. Unless I plan to.
17. I'm not gonna quit & I will fight for something that is worth having for.
18. I can not pronounce the "P" very well. for instance, Pink, bagPack & many more. My "P" sounds like "phhhii".. lots of air.. haha. i dunno y.
19. I'm mata jambu. T_T
20. oO, I'm a very nice & kind-hearted woman, but once you do me bad, i can be very evil. I won't forgive you til the end of time & I would love to hold the grudge as long as i can. :) I can be the mafiase too ok?
21. I love my family so much. Specially my mommy, daddy, 2 crazy sisters, my lil cute brother, my noty niece & my grandma. You messed with them, u messed with me too. Clear?!

a night at grandma's

last night, i went to my 1st house. :) home sweet home. the house where have all the memories that safely kept in mine. bitter. but more to sweet & sour. so, i went to my room. it was really spooky. haha. bersawang sana sini. (-_-") nanti ada masa sa cuci ko aa my bilik? ngeh~ kita cat balik! warna hitam! haha. supaya x ketara all the habuk2 next time. *ok, pemalas rupanya ya.


So, that night, i slept with my grandma d living room. bukannya sa ni penakut, tp dia yang minta kawan tidur k? betul ni. x tipu punya. :D So sweet kan us? hihi. & kami tgk movie d laptop. we watched Tropic Thunder, bulum sampai half pun the movie, then she said, " bukan ni ka palakon tu yg lakon sm tu sister tu? yg dia jadi brother tu?" what she meant was Jack Black, the nacho libre. Yes i said. u wanna watch that? "Ya mau" (-_-") sa tukar la movie. nacho libre. bulum sampai half, kurrrrrrr...kurrrrrrr....my grandma tdur suda! adeh~ sa trus tukar movie, gangster high. punya ensom tu lelaki! haha!


ZzzZzzZZz..


i woke up at 10 a.m. sbb my grandma membebel d sebelah. 


"laaaatt...alalala...bila la ko mo bgn ni? gobulan moti ti tondu hoi.. saaanaa suda atas tu matahari...bgn la ko yo..bla bla bla bla blaa.." 


mode: tekanan & ngantuk. 


loading lu otak...1%...5%....10%....20%... 


"ai ai aiii..tii sumandak..koposik gia iaa...kano mongoi hilo tamu gia..suru c pippy ambi kita.."


omg~ sa bgn then duduk d sofa. then kasi distract her attention. pura2 tny la pasal our great-grandma, nenek Bonut. as i saw her picture on the wall. she was a great boboliyan at Kg. Kiau, Kota Belud (jalan ranau). She said nenek Bonut ni byk peliharaan. bukan 1 ja. tp baaanyak.. xtau p mana suda suma.  hmm.. i said to myself, "hey maa..ada 1 cni sm2 sa.." tp sa diam2 ja.. kalo ckp mmg kena bsg..my grandma ni kuat agama. x pcy benda2 tahyul. tp pa2 pun, at least i did make her forget for a while pasal suru sa bgn n p mandi n mau p tamu. :P


although my grandma ni byk ckp. kdg2 can not tahan her mulut. seriouly. sgt BISING! but she is a kind-hearted woman & i love her so much. she is the one who's taking care of us since we were baby. :') love u ma. no matter wut, i owez be wif u. xoxo~

wearing our traditional costume during her Unduk Ngadau warga emas. :)

a msg to you up there.

hey, up there.. u hear me? i need u now. pls hear me out ya?


afta all the things happened last week, i miss u so much! i wish u cud be here wif me. damn i miss u so much. i miss the way u try to comfort me. i know u hate to see me cry. but u know i am the "mata jambu" kan. u called me that since i was a little girl. sometimes i blame Him, for taking u away from me. but i know He loves u more than i do. 


Pa, i met this 1 guy. He broke my HEART. He is a kind of guy where all the girls would fight for (not single but still available) . I was so dumb for letting myself fell for him. When i'm with him, i'm happy & blissful but i know it's not true love. Lucky me, God helped me Pa! everything was revealed last week. stupid him cuz he still wif his ego n didn't get the point. I hate to say that I still love him but hey, i deserve someone better than him.


Thanx to Sis P & Sis A. For bringing me there & sent me back home. Pa, they were good to me :) Both of them have a beautiful life. a steady job. Adore them so much.


Now, i heard that they are back together. I thought i heard that she said she doesn't want him back. But urm, She really deserve someone way better than him.


Funny, she said to me, "Don't dwell on worthless man like J".


But yup, they are. Congrats to him & her. Kahwin jgn lupa jemput.  


Pa, see. i'm terribly fucked up without you kan? Bdosa ckp mcm ni but y did u leave me?? It's too soon ba! almost 4 years, but i still can't accept the fact that u are gone. Since the funeral, i haven't visit urs. I'm not ready. I really need u now. The one that used to be with me when i'm up & down. 

"I never knew I could hurt like this

And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm bragging next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye"

Pa, 
U are my grandpa. 
U are my father. 
U are my bestfriend. 
still and will owez be. 
No one can take that away from u. :'( 


I Love You So Much.
I Miss You So Much.
I Need You So Much.

thank you

Thank you to you darling.

Whatever you said to me, it did open up my mind. about why do i have to say all the hatred things in here. Yup, I shud be a +ve thinking & one mature lady. Think all the positive ways. i shud be thankful that i have the package, i have the brain, i have dad & mom, i have my siblings & friends that support me. & be there for me the whole time.

I started with deleting some of the posts here in my blog.

If i really care about him, why do i have to do such things that might hurt him & lost his job, right? Tu la, emotional ja lbh time tu. lgpun kan that time, I just wanna share things happened around me ba, that's all. about the "one of a kind" lady, i admit that i hate her but because of she helped him a lot in his career, i'll just let it be. tahan2 ja. about me & him? for me to know, for you to find out. anything happened for a reason. if x, apa buli bt la kan. if ada, it's a bonus for me. & i promise I'll be good to u same like b4.

I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry if I hurt your feeling.
& I'm sorry if i lied. I have to. So that you & you will not hurt anymore. :'(

it's ok if i'm hurt. let the time heal me. once again. i'm a broken-hearted girl. :') thank you.
cheers~

RapSouL - Nobody (cover)

I love this wonder girls' nobody's cover from this group. caught this video in facebook, one of the friend posted it. so i just wanna share it on my blog. this group is so talented. They are local. They are Sabahan! am so proud wif u guys :)) <3>